“God loves you too
much to leave you how you are.”
I want to THANK everyone for the birthday wishes!! I am very
EXCITED about this next year/chapter in my life!! In the past my birthdays
meant nothing to me. It would be just another year I was trying to survive. A
lot of you that know me or maybe have known me for years probably feel I am a
STRONG woman or she was a very strong “single mom” and “hard worker.” I’m sure
some of you were probably thinking how did she do it all? Taking care of four
kids and a grand baby and working two jobs and keeping a house up. To tell you
the truth when I would lay my head down at night I would ask GOD to please help
me, I didn’t want to live like this anymore.
For most of my life I have felt very insecure and I walked
around carry a lot of self-hate. When I would walk in a room full of people the
first thing I thought is what do they think of me. The voices that played in my
head since I was a little girl were, you are FAT, STUPID and UGLY…
I tried many coping mechanism to try to make them go away.
When I was 18years old I went on my first diet. I was on a mission to make that
voice go away that would call me fat and I would show the people who I allowed
to confirm it. This started a vicious cycle in my life of dieting, binging and
purging through being active and using laxatives. (This is called a form of
bulimia) This pattern caused me to get very sick last year around this time.
Another way of coping was always working two jobs to give my children whatever
they wanted. This did nothing good, but cause them to have a sense of
entitlement and act like BRATS.
Last year around this time I started therapy and I told her
I needed help, I didn’t want to binge and purge anymore. What little did I know
GOD was about to turn my life upside down. In March of this year I was driving
to work as a “Weight loss coach” and I parked my car. I heard GOD say, “You are
done here”… “What, I loved my job?” I could relate to most everybody who walked
in the door, they had the same struggle as I did. It just looked a little
different. I cared SO much about them because I could understand their pain,
but I knew I needed to step down and first help myself. This was not easy at
all. I was next asked by GOD to stop all dieting and most of the things I did
for being active. I had to surrender all my forms of CONTROL, which were not
working anyway. It was very hard some
days…. I screamed, cried and even lay in bed. It took work on my part, I had to
look at my junk, forgive myself and other people that hurt me. Especially my
earthly Father who did the best that he could. Somewhere as a little girl my
IDENITY was stolen. I walked in that for too long. BUT not anymore…I am FREE!
GOD allowed two amazing people in my life to help me
walk through this journey. One was my AMAZING husband and my very good friend
Sue Deboer. I want to tell you it was the BEST decision I ever made! This chick
that thought she would always going to struggle with this issue is FREE and the
voices are gone!!! I’m no longer afraid of food, I don’t care that I put 15lbs
on through this healing process. This last year what I sacrificed;
relationships, my jobs, my reputation and some of the clothes in my closet not
fittingJ gained me freedom of a lifetime. It doesn’t
mean my life will be free of troubles, but this LADY is ready for her DESTINY
to help others!
